I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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