made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
