They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
