Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
