Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
