If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
