it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
