Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
