if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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