When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
