I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My cat gives me a boner
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
