I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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