I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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