Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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