She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
