Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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