Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
