i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
