You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
