Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
