who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
