Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
