Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
