No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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