i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
