so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
