I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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