well you can't waste a boner
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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