His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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