Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
