My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
