You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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