i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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