whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
