I just saw a hot homeless man
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
