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The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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