one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
