is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
