Do you still have your period?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
