your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let's get the cat blown out
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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