dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
