Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
