yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
