I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
