omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
