I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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