God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
