Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
