Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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