We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
