I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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