I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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