you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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