I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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